


Secrets, Half-Truths, and Trust

by inevitably_johnlocked



Series: I-J's Sherlock Meta Series [16]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BAMF John, Gen, John's Ability to Lie, John's past, John-centric, Meta, Trust Issues, Tumblr, soldier John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-03 02:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5273867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inevitably_johnlocked/pseuds/inevitably_johnlocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This meta was initially me trying to refute the <i>“John is a Terrible Liar”</i> trope, but as is the norm with me, I totally veered off course of my original point, started talking about Sherlock, and then remembered this was supposed to be about John. I do eventually get to the point, just… I took the scenic route. </p><p>Sherlock knows John can lie. Just John is not good at HIDING it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets, Half-Truths, and Trust

**Author's Note:**

> **_FIRST PUBLISHED MAY 17/15_**  
>   Original Meta Can be found at my blog here: [Secrets, Half-Truths, and Trust](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/119197178665/secrets-half-truths-and-trust)  
> Transcripts from [Ariane DeVere’s Sherlock Transcripts _(HLV)_](http://arianedevere.livejournal.com/68242.html)
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  In my never-ending quest to learn more about John, this thought came up as I was making a gifset and I just ran with it.  
> 
> 
> * * *

Something that’s always struck me as rather curious is that Sherlock would think that an army doctor – one who served Queen and Country in an elite military group – would be unable to keep Sherlock’s return a secret. John is a DOCTOR _(someone whose profession’s main priority is MAINTAINING PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY)_ and a SOLDIER _(again, a profession that relies on maintaining certain levels of secrecy)_ , so if anything, John’s ability to keep secrets must be astounding _(possibly even above Sherlock and Mary’s own abilities to keep secrets)_. For goodness sake, the man had, for over 4 years, hidden [his own bisexuality](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/89315614540/sorry-is-youve-already-answered-this-but-you-said) from the _(second)_ most observant man in London after John straight up _LIED_ to Sherlock at the restaurant _AND SHERLOCK BELIEVED HIM_ ; from [the same man whom John is pining for](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/88107583220/bandersnatchmycummerbund-fullcirclefan); from the same man who [REALIZED at JOHN’S OWN WEDDING](http://loudest-subtext-in-television.tumblr.com/post/73362611473/hi-there-just-read-your-post-about-moffat-i) he was keeping said secret from him! That is a **_huge secret_** to keep bottled up inside, especially from someone you deem to be one of the, if not **THE** , most important person in your life.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s ACD canon or fanon headcanons that John is incapable of telling lies and / or is a terrible actor, but **my stance is that John tells half-truths and white lies “to survive”** _(for a lack of a better word that is escaping me at the moment)_ , which is something he is probably very good at, being an _ARMY doctor_.

 **I don’t think it’s the lying or John’s ability to keep secrets that Sherlock is concerned about.** Sherlock is just not THAT aloof, and I do not think for ONE SECOND that Sherlock would put **_SO MUCH TRUST_** into a man who could not maintain some level of confidentiality. Granted, John does blog about their personal life occasionally, but even so, after he realized Sherlock was reading his blog and what John was saying was bothering Sherlock, John toned down what he really thought about him. Sherlock has _WITNESSED COUNTLESS TIMES_ John’s ability to tell a convincing lie and/or omit truths: keeping the shooting of Jeff Hope a secret _(ie. lying)_ in _ASiP_ , his playacting in _TGG_ to gain information about Connie Prince’s death and _THoB_ ’s break into Baskerville _(ie. ACTING)_ to name a few. These examples I cited are John’s half-truths used to survive: he lies about Hope so he won’t go to prison; he plays a role to gain trust with Connie Prince’s brother; and he’s _TECHNICALLY_ a Captain so it’s not ENTIRELY a lie for _THoB_.

Let me show you a few scenes and then explain to you how I tied them together in my head:  
  
**NOTE “SINCE THE START.” NOW THIS ONE:**  
  
**UHM SHERLOCK. JOHN TOLD YOU NOTHING. I’M SENSING A TREND…. ONE MORE:**  
  
**SHERLOCK REALLY???**

Initially this post was going to be just these pics and me making fun of the fact that, _“of course John can’t keep a secret because you keep following him, Sherlock! Hah hah!”_ But as I am wont to do, I overthink everything. I really sat down and thought about John’s apparent inability to lie. Which then spawned this meta. 

In the first set of pics from _TGG_ , we are confirmed to the idea that Sherlock follows John around, something hinted at in _TBB_ when Sherlock joins in on John’s and Sarah’s date. At the time, I’m sure we thought nothing of it, just Sherlock being Sherlock… but now that we are three seasons in and know so much more about the characters, I believe that not only was this an attempt at Sherlock allowing John to deduce things on his own _(in other words, being given the trust to prove himself to Sherlock)_ , but also may be, unbeknownst to Sherlock at this time, an act of worry over John maybe being kidnapped again _(though he does later get kidnapped after Sherlock decides to hide his intentions from John, interestingly enough.[When they don’t work together as a team, bad stuff seems to happen](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/118979676020/the-lesson-of-soo-lin-yao) [ie. the killer cabbie, Soo Lin and when John gets kidnapped again in _ TEH _])_. 

In the second set of pics from _ASiB_ , Sherlock only finds out about Irene because he followed John, yet later in the episode Sherlock casually remarks to Irene that _“You let John know, therefore me,”_ as if it’s a given that whatever John knows, Sherlock knows. It’s just such a casual and random line, like Sherlock always following John is a normal occurrence in their relationship. And John doesn’t even flinch or seem bothered by the fact that Sherlock followed him. **He _KNOWS_ Sherlock follows him around, AS STATED BY JOHN HIMSELF in the first pic in the _ASiB_ set, so more than likely it IS a normal occurrence in their relationship.**

So then with this in mind, this leads me to believe there is more hidden beneath John’s anger during the diner sequence shown in the last set of pics. Let’s look at this scene from John’s point-of-view. There is a reason I wanted you to remember _“since the start”_ from _TGG_. For the casual viewer, this harmless line could be taken as _“since the start of Mycroft’s investigation”_. I, being FAR from casual and probably bordering on OBSESSIVE, read more into the line than the surface reading provides. John asks Sherlock _“How long have you been following me?”._ Sherlock replies, _“SINCE THE START,”_ as in _“since the start of our relationship”_. Subtext and hidden meanings play such an important role in this series, and as with many things we as a fandom are learning, a lot of it really only becomes clear after viewing the series WITH series three in mind since subtext and hidden meanings are a HUGE part of making sense of _S3_ in the narrative structure of _SHERLOCK._ WITH that in mind, let us now look at the diner scene. 

John is angry about the accusation of his inability to lie, don’t get me wrong, but I believe that, at this moment in time with his own emotions clouding his thoughts, John possibly thinks that Sherlock may have actually been following him around for the past two years, _because that’s just how it’s always been, SINCE THE START_. Why do I think this? Because of this line right here: 

> **_“I’ve nearly been in contact so many times…”_ **

In John’s current mindset, he may have interpreted this as Sherlock saying _“I’ve been following you around so much that I knew where you were at any given time”._

To drive the stake in even deeper, John is actually really hurt by the fact that he believed Sherlock, of all people, trusted John explicitly. Remember, from John’s point-of-view, this scene at the diner comes across as Sherlock feels he can’t even trust the singular man who killed for him – his “I’ve just got one” friend! **SHERLOCK TRUSTED A BUNCH OF HOMELESS PEOPLE AND A WOMAN SHERLOCK WAS FAR FROM KIND TO, BUT HE WON’T TRUST HIS ONE SINGULAR SUPPOSED _FRIEND_.** We the audience know, however, that Sherlock’s intentions are a lot more deeper than trust, BUT JOHN DOESN’T KNOW THAT. 

In fact, let me direct you to [John’s Blog](http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/blog/07november): 

> _Turns out he’d faked his death because Moriarty had threatened those close to him. Including me. He’d gone into hiding, happy to leave me and everyone else thinking he was dead. He’d done it to save us but he hadn’t trusted us enough to tell us what was really going on. Not sure I’ll ever truly forgive him for that but as the saying goes, life goes on._

The WHOLE BLOG ENTRY is literally John being bitter at Sherlock because Sherlock didn’t trust him. The. _WHOLE. **THING**._

I believe the diner scene is the only time in 9 episodes and one mini-sode that we _ever_ hear from Sherlock’s own mouth that John can’t tell a convincing lie to _(literally)_ save his life. This is John “trust issues” Watson we’re talking about here, a man who certainly would never tell things to anyone he didn’t trust, and most certainly would not let _“the cat out of the bag”_. John trusted, and Sherlock broke his trust by not trusting in return. For all intents and purposes, Sherlock was his brother-at-arms… in battle you can only trust your comrades, and John thought that’s what they were, but from John’s POV, Sherlock’s apparent indifference of the situation _(“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”)_ really bothers him because he thought Sherlock trusted him just as much. Factor ALL of that into John’s understanding that he thinks Sherlock follows him almost everywhere, well, it’s no wonder John’s seeing red at the moment. 

To Sherlock, however, the casualness of mentioning John’s inability to lie may have been his way of trying to re-instil a sense of familiarity with John, like _“Well, you and I both know I trust you but I’ve missed you”._ The entire diner scene, in fact, seems to me to be Sherlock trying to appeal to John’s love for the secrets and danger of their past lives. This is still early in the episode and Sherlock still doesn’t understand that what he did was wrong. Because John always forgives Sherlock, right? No problems, let’s just move on. However, John’s just fresh off of a _TWO YEAR MOURNING PERIOD._ John’s completely wrong belief is that he was kept out of the loop for the past 2 years because he just wasn’t trustworthy enough for Sherlock. It explains his cautious behaviour towards Sherlock the rest of the season – he forgives Sherlock, that I believe, but the tension is _ALWAYS THERE_ , right up until the final scenes of _HLV_. 

Even at the end of the episode, Sherlock sort of confirms John’s assumptions of Sherlock’s constant following: 

_“I know, I was there,”_ Sherlock says. A touching scene, sure, but _REALLY_ put yourself in John’s shoes here and think about how I believe John may have interpreted Sherlock’s words in the diner scene. If anything, this soft admission at the end of _TEH_ only confirms TO JOHN that yes, Sherlock was following John around for two years and let John think Sherlock was dead. We’re never really told how much of the truth Sherlock let John in on, and I think that this is Sherlock’s own half-truth… Let John only know the barest of facts to protect the people Sherlock loves. 

Now let’s see the diner from Sherlock’s point-of-view: we know it is actually so much more than Sherlock not trusting John, OH NO. In fact, it’s Sherlock’s COMPLETE AND UTTER FAITH IN JOHN’S LOYALTY that worries Sherlock and thinks it will ultimately be John’s undoing. Sherlock is and always was concerned about John’s association with Sherlock puts him in danger. This makes John Sherlock’s ‘marker’ _(”markers” being something they make a HUGE deal about in_ TEH _, as if to say “THIS is really why John was kept in the dark!”. The subtext is so very clear here)_ – John may not necessarily be unable to lie, but he has a lot of physical tells that, if anyone were to observe John, they would be able to discern whether or not he is hiding something _(ie.[John’s hand tremor](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/98000909790/rebootingcheesecake-so-ive-been-rewatching-the)_ which signifies John’s emotional distress). Sherlock knows that John was and probably still is constantly followed and watched, _and not necessarily by the “weather eyes” of Mycroft_ , simply because he is associated with Sherlock. John has become a target for those who want to hurt Sherlock, Sherlock knows it, but omits telling John this – it’s Sherlock’s own white lie, his half-truth, to help John survive. As early as _The Blind Banker_ , John has been followed, and I think this is an ever-present fear Sherlock has always had since John’s first abduction by people who are not Mycroft’s, hence why Sherlock has been _following since the start_. Sherlock’s belief, then is by removing himself from the picture, John will be safe while Sherlock deals with Moriarty’s network. Unfortunately, Sherlock’s two year hiatus didn’t seem to help dissipate John’s tails: Sherlock’s greatest fears are proven true in _TEH_ once Sherlock is discovered to be still alive: John HAS always been watched, and though he might not realize it, he did let the _cat out of the bag_ : after John shaves his moustache he is then subsequently drugged and thrown into a bonfire. John has been observed sad and grieving for two years, and suddenly he’s dressing like he’s trying to impress and his overall outward demeanour has made a complete 180˚ and it’s not for his girlfriend who he seemed to be mopey with for six months? Completely removing the possibility that it’s Mary herself who snitched _(which I believe she was, but I’m trying to prove a point here)_ , would that not seem to be suspicious behaviour? John’s tails see this, then look into why, and BOOM Sherlock’s alive. Sherlock’s long-winded speech about “his rats” wasn’t just a plot point: it was Sherlock hinting to John that he unwittingly became a rat himself. But because Sherlock’s not the same man he was in _ASiP (and because he finally realized what his death had done to John)_ , he omits telling John this. 

I think Sherlock, with good intentions, believes he is doing John a kindness by not needlessly worrying him by revealing that, _“Oh, by the way, you have been endlessly followed and watched since I died, and not always by my brother’s goons.”_ And I think it all goes back to that episode where Sherlock realizes how important John is to him, _TGG:_

>   
>  _(Molly stares at [Sherlock] for a moment [after he reveals Jim is gay], then turns and runs out of the room. Sherlock looks surprised at her reaction.)_
> 
> **JOHN:** Charming. Well done.  
>  **SHERLOCK:** Just saving her time. Isn’t that kinder?  
>  **JOHN:** “Kinder”? No, no, Sherlock. _That_ wasn’t kind.  
>  _**[(source)](http://arianedevere.livejournal.com/46716.html)**_

In other words, John had once told Sherlock that telling someone the blatant truth is not kind, so he then assumes that John would not want to know the truth if it protects one’s feelings _(as an aside, it is very interesting to me in that Sherlock, starting in_ TGG _,[basically absorbs everything 'John’ like a sponge](http://inevitably-johnlocked.tumblr.com/post/117370063895/john-is-something-sherlock-doesnt-understand))_. And because John didn’t think the truth was kinder, Sherlock hesitated telling John the truth about the Fall _(and his true reasons for it, aside from “Moriarty was going to kill you, Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson”)._

_“But what about the truth about Mary?”_ Well, glad you asked, because I think that these little snippets point us directly to an underlying subplot beginning in _HLV_. To continue, Sherlock has come to realize that hiding the truth from John wasn’t so hot either: it got him tackled twice and a head butt to the nose, and drastic measures had to be taken to ask for forgiveness. So now what? Lying completely _(THoB and the Fall)_ didn’t work. Telling the truth _(revealing to John that he was alive)_ didn’t work. So what was left for him to do but tell a half-truth? Understand this and take it into consideration: I REALLY believe Sherlock DID NOT KNOW ABOUT MARY UNTIL _HLV_. Remember, [when he deduced Mary in TEH](http://thejohnlockhell.tumblr.com/post/113553097132/ok-ok-wait-before-you-call-me-crazy-look-at-the), Sherlock had just: 

  * returned from two years of being on the run and possible torture;
  * had John attack him twice;
  * followed by John head-butting him hard enough to cause a nosebleed, possibly causing a mild concussion



All while Sherlock is dealing with his own emotional turmoil. This episode is _THEN_ followed by _TSo3 in which Sherlock is always coming to conclusions about deductions _LATER_ with something unexpected _(suggesting at Sherlock’s complete lack of focus)_. So when Sherlock is confronted by Mary at Magnussen’s office, everything comes together for him._

That said, Sherlock makes the decision to reveal Mary because I believe that by _HLV_ , Sherlock is _SO DONE_ with telling John lies that end up hurting him in the end. Which is why he did not hesitate at all to reveal Mary at Leinster Gardens, but because Sherlock still feels he needs to protect John, he’s now trying the “half-truth” method and tells a blatant lie later at Baker Street to convince John of Mary’s "not-so-crazy” streak and to get Mary on his side to assuage her suspicions about Sherlock and so he can also see what she’s up to. 

I think Sherlock knows something more about Mary than we are told in the episode, and I believe he **may have** let John in on what it may be, though not in full. Just more one of those _“She’s worked with Moriarty, and we need to keep an eye on her, so I need you to forgive her”_ things. There is a huge gap of time not even covered that I believe is important to the plot of the series and which I hope S4 will fill in for us. There was no forgiveness at Christmas of John for Mary, that I am convinced of. Sherlock may have schooled John on how to get Mary to believe that John had forgiven her, for whatever reason. But if John is so terrible at telling lies, how did he convince Mary, who in _TSo3_ could tell when master-of-manipulation-Sherlock was lying, that he was taking her back? Honestly, we _DON’T_ know that she believes John; she may have her own ruse set up and is using John as the pawn in the long game, but until we see S4, we can logically theorize that she believed John and is tickled pink that the source of John’s distractions is being exiled. Do I think John knew what was going to happen at Appledore? No, at least not entirely _(John did bring his gun, after all, to the house of the man who had him searched earlier)_. But I do believe he knows a half-truth of sorts: He knew they were going to go face Magnussen, and he knew it was to get information on Mary specifically. Haven’t worked out why John thought they wouldn’t be searched again at the house, but I’m thinking it may have something to do with John having his own plan in the works. It’s a big clustereff in my head, to be honest. 

**TL;DR… And thank you for jumping all over the place with me:** The point I’m trying to make is that John tells half-truths rather than full out lying – white lies, if you will. Sherlock _KNOWS_ John can keep secrets. He _KNOWS_ John can tell a convincing lie if he needed to. The actual truth is not that Sherlock thinks John is a bad actor / liar, but that he KNOWS John is constantly being followed since his association with Sherlock. **John CAN LIE and KEEP A SECRET, but John is rather crap at HIDING HIS TELLS.** Sherlock in turn tells his own half-truths to help John survive. Unfortunately, Sherlock’s actions upon his return are misinterpreted by John to mean that Sherlock cannot trust him. John sees it like this: John “trust issues” Watson has given all his trust to Sherlock 100%, and the thanks he gets is Sherlock lying to him for two years, making light of the fact John grieved for him, and being forced into forgiving the madman. Suddenly, John needs to question everything their entire relationship has and will ever be. 

The tragic and rather ironic thing about the ENTIRE situation is that **all Sherlock needs to do to alleviate this is tell John the truth:** He lied to protect John because Sherlock cares too much about him, so that they could both survive, even if it meant them both being apart. But because it’s been so long and both are rather stubborn, neither will say anything without a prompt of some sort by the other _(which is another meta I’m currently working on)_. It’s a terrible misunderstanding in their relationship. 

I think it will be proven that John is, in fact, a great liar, since, you know, it has subtly already happened. No man is a doctor and a soldier AND Sherlock Holmes’ best friend without being able to hide SOME things. Either way, I’m rather enjoying the rather meta way that TPTB feed us their own half-truths and lies to protect what they love and look forward to having the real truths revealed.


End file.
